Sunday, May 29, 2005

8 Mile Ranch

I got back today from my first play party and overnight camp out and I'm tired. I am also feeling quite inferior.

So many people were willing to put themselves out on display. I'm referring, not only to the openness of their bodies, but of their emotions, they're tears and their orgasms. And where was I while the sweet redhead writhed by the snack table in total abandon? I was sitting on a bench pushed against the back wall, watching, watching, watching. And waiting.

I was waiting for a change in me that would allow me to throw off my analytical shackles and become body. I was waiting for my skull to open fully, allowing for a better view of the stars. I wanted to expand but I was afraid to leave my role of spectator and embrace participation.

As usual, I am a disappointment to my own expectations of myself.

I was up all night with another spectator/would be participant and we talked until the talking was futile and then we kissed and it was lovely and soft and comforting. Imagine that. A plethora of bondage furniture and I choose an awkward car. It seemed strangely fitting.

I want to be hypnotized and forget myself.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

It was quite the lovely trip from hard to soft.

11:49 PM  
Blogger Anne Walk said...

hello kattmandu,

it was: exciting, daunting, hard, boring, titillating, confusing, aggrevating, curious, sensual, soft, lovely, sleepy, more, more, more...

12:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The trip back to hard will be just as interesting

8:30 AM  

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